I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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