Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
