she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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