omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the day after is always just damage control
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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