i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
