I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
