Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
