i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
