I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
