Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
