I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
