I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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