Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
His nipple licking is glorious
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