She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
