hotel room ftw
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize