She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
