lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
