Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
