the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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