I cannot find my penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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