Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's rum buckets o'clock
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
