Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
