Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
