her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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