genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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