Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
