....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
