Jerry, you need to find god
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
