My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
