Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
