We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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