I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
