I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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