got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
