Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
