my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I party with great urgency now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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