he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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