Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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