We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
