you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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