the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
