I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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