you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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