Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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