I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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