if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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