So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
love makes seman taste better
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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