we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
