ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
