he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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