I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
