Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
