9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
