Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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