you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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