i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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