she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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