but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
