It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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