shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
