How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
