looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
