Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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