how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
