Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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