he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
