Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
