just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he was CRYING into my vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
