Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
