how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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