Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
