I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this hospital has no fireball
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
