I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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